Memo to the San Antonio DMV

This blog is the culmination of research that has been conducted over the past year and a half.  Consequently, it is not speculative.  It is fact... truth... it is indisputable.  The conclusion is simply that San Antonio has the worst drivers in America.  I say this with the experience of many road trips across this great land.  I have encountered drivers from many of the major cities and I am very confident in making this statement.  

To list just a few examples... We have seen a man turn left from the far right lane on a 6 lane street (3 going, 3 coming).  We have seen multiple people come to a complete stop in an effort to change lanes (on a 45 mph road).  No one ever drives the speed limit (they seem to prefer going 5 to 10 mph under it).  I have hit a man who stopped his car in the MIDDLE of an intersection when the light turned from green to yellow.  I assure you that I could go on and on.  

I would like to think that I am a patient man.  However, this city's drivers are wearing me down.  I wish I could say... "Its not that I have a problem with the people... I just don't like their driving", but I cannot.  You see, I do have a problem with the people.  I do believe however, that there is a solution for every problem.  While I find myself channeling most of my frustration toward the drivers themselves, maybe it would be more productive to voice my concerns to the people who allow such incompetence to hit the San Antonio roadways.  Here are a few recommendations:

1)  Require all driver applicants to recite the ABC's (this would demonstrate letter recognition and hopefully insinuate that the driver could process english road signs).  

2)  Require all driver applicants to count from 1 to 70 (this would demonstrate the ability to understand that 60 is a bigger number than 45).  

3)  Require all driver applicants to give a detailed explanation of what signal lights are for, what the color green (verde) looks like and what it means when encountered on the roadway, what the color yellow (amarillo) looks like and what it means when encountered on the roadway, and what the color red (rojo)  looks like and what it means when encountered on the roadway (this would hopefully clear up the extreme confusion that seemingly exists among San Antonionites regarding traffic lights).  

4)  Include "STUPIDITY" as a traffic violation that is punishable by permanently revoking the offender's license (This would immediately cut down on collisions and traffic as I predict a 75% decrease in permissible drivers).  

This is a short and simple list but I feel that it would provide a wonderful start in the effort to control this rampant problem.  

These are the days or our lives...

My classmates and I were informed on the first day of our first year that our professional reputation as future lawyers was already being determined.  Our professors informed us that this reputation would be the basis for our legal careers and as a result it is important to conduct yourself in a professional manner.  This statement has rung true as I often dread the thought of some of my classmates actually being responsible for the interests of real clients.  There are however some students that rise to the top and distinguish themselves from the masses.  This select few is often bestowed with a respectable title such as, "The Legal Mind of Our Generation", which refers to the studious individual that appears to have all the answers.  Another example is the title, "Silver Tongued Devil", which is often used to describe the student who speaks so eloquently that he or she is seemingly capable of arguing his or her way out of a tornado.  As a matter of fact, I myself was recently given one of these distinguishable titles... "Skunk Boy"... not quite what I had in mind, (no matter what anyone says there is no positive connotation to be drawn from this label) but it is something that stands out.  As you may have gathered from this little detour, we are still struggling with the unpleasant aroma that has invaded our home and clinched a firm grasp on virtually every item of my wardrobe.  Katelyn has taken great measure to rid us of the smell and yet it still lingers.  I want to point out that this is the last time I will mention the "skunk invasion" as I refuse to let it further intervene in every aspect of my life.  

On a completely different and slightly more serious note, we have recently come to the realization that God truly has a sense of humor.  You see, there have been a couple of instances within the past few months where both Katelyn and I were sure that we wanted something and we prayed that it would work out.  For Katelyn, it was an issue with her new job.  As many of you know she is an extremely hard worker, and this was in fact noticed by her boss.  Shortly after starting her job she was asked how she would feel about being promoted to another position.  She was thrilled at this prospect until it appeared that it would not work out.  We continued to pray that it would because it seemed like a great fit.  For myself, it was the goal of making the Mock Trial team at school.  I was so convinced that this would be the ideal setting for me that I gave up other pursuits in an effort to focus on making the team.  The interesting, and I guess ironic part is that although Katelyn was given her promotion and I did make the Mock Trial team we have been faced with the reality that the grass always appears greener on the other side.  Katelyn was immediately confronted with the stress and elevated responsibility that has since made her work days longer and her weekends shorter.  I have been slapped in the face with the fact that the only thing more draining than preparing for a trial a month and a half in advance is preparing for a MOCK trial a month and a half in advance.  It is as if God gave us a chance and said do you want this... are you sure you want this... then here you go, take it all and have fun.  

The recent schedule changes and absurd time commitments that we have had to endure have really hindered our evening schedule that we have come to rely on and enjoy.  Prior to the extended work days and mock trial nights our lives were intricately planned around our favorite TV shows.  With our DVR at capacity I fear that we will never get caught up.  We have discovered that the older you get, the more often you find yourself saying, "O well, you do what you have to do".  Until next time take care and remember... if you can make it to lunch on Wednesday, its all down hill from there.  

What now...

After the event previously discussed in post #1, which I will now refer to only as "the skunk invasion", life at the Malone household has returned to normal (minus the normal smell, of course).  We spent the evening of Halloween with a friend of mine from school and his fiance.  I admit that it was a rather uneventful night, but I do want to make mention of one instance.  Anyone who knows me is aware of the fact that I have a soft spot in my heart for a well cooked steak.  Anyone who knows us is aware that we go kookoo for queso.  Well, as I was saying before, we spent Halloween with a friend of mine.  For dinner we went to a little "dive" here in town.  For the record, Katelyn was not a fan.  I on the other hand, although skeptical at first, had one of the most enjoyable dinners in recent memory.  Unbeknownst to me, this little dive serves a dish that consists of steak that is bathed in queso.  If you failed to realize what I just said I will say it once more... STEAK, BATHED in QUESO!  I do not know what I have done to deserve this little plate from heaven, but no matter what Katelyn tells you, Halloween was a complete success for that reason alone.  If you are wondering what we dressed up as, the simple answer is nothing.  For some reason stores don't sell costumes in the size "lanky".  Maybe next year.

The predicament that I have now found myself in is one that I have feared for years.  It is the very reason that I have stayed away from blogging all along.  I am confused as to what the appropriate frequency is for posting on your blog.  If you post too often then you appear to be narcissistic.  If you avoid posting on a regular basis you risk losing your ever so interested fan base (which at this time has reached the sum total of 1).  The conclusion I have reached is once to twice per week.  For some reason that seems appropriate.  I do not intend for this to become the general rule of blogging.  Please feel free to blog as often as you choose.  Just know that I will be judging you in accordance with the reasoning listed above (just kidding... not really).  

That is all that I have for now.  There is studying to be done, and oil in Katelyn's car to be changed.  To our family and friends... we will think of you often, and to those of you who don't know us but have read this blog because you stumbled across it on the internet... that's kind of shady.  

Just when you think it can't get any worse...

Before I begin, I want to provide some context for this post.  Over the past two weeks, Katelyn has worked just under 100 hours and I have been staying either at the school or at the courthouse until midnight 4 nights a week working on mock trial.  Needless to say when we got home last night there was nothing we wanted more than to go straight to bed and see who could sleep the longest.  So around midnight (I forgot to mention that I got home at 10:30 and we ate "dinner" at 11) we decided it was finally time to do just that.  We decided to let Duke and Teddy (our dogs) outside one more time so that they would hopefully let us sleep in.  

I wish I could rewind to this point in time.  I would have gladly traded getting out of bed at 6 a.m. to take the boys out had I known what was waiting for us in our backyard.  I do not know whether any of you have been unfortunate enough to get up close and personal with a live skunk, but I can tell you that it is not a pleasant experience.  

Within thirty seconds Duke (our 90+ pound lab) was in a face off with a skunk that had somehow managed to enter our yard.  Teddy (our 4 pound yorkie) quickly joined Duke in this encounter.  Then I, being the bold yet naive skunk warrior that I am, rushed onto the scene as well.  It was at this time that all 3 of the Malone men were humbled and disgraced by our outnumbered yet sufficiently armed adversary.  We were all subsequently sprayed by the most foul substance known to man.  With our tales tucked between our legs we retreated into the house bringing the undesirable scent with us.  

The 2 hours of repetitive baths and showers that followed proved to be no match.  At one point we even poured a mixture of beer and baking soda on the dogs.  If you are wondering... "does that really help?"... I can confidently tell you... no, it does not.  By the time 2:30 a.m. rolled around we were exhausted, and we both swore that the smell seemed to have dissipated.  We decided it was time to call it a night.  

You will be glad to know that we got our well needed night of sleep and when we awoke we felt that our efforts had entitled us to a nice Chik-Fil-A lunch.  With Katelyn needing to run a few errands we decided to take two cars so that I could come home afterwards and get some studying done.  

If you are thinking that this was a temporary inconvenience that I have exaggerated, and that we actually had quite the happy ending, I want to take this opportunity to tell you that you are dead wrong.  As we sat in the booth enjoying our chicken lunches, I noticed that although we were dining at the peak of the lunch rush, and the dining room was full, there were still some open seats right around us.  That should have been a hint but I thought nothing of it at the time.  When lunch was over, we said our goodbyes and got in our cars.  This is when I was faced with the reality that the horrible smell from the night before had decided to stick around.  As you can only imagine the inside of my truck, as well as the inside of Katelyn's, wreaked of skunk.  I do not know when we will rid ourselves of this horrible smell but I only hope it will be very soon.  The moral of this story (if you want to call it that) is that if ever you find yourself or a loved one in a face off with a skunk, it is important to remember that you will lose if the skunk shows you his tail before you show him yours.  The only, and I mean only option you have is to turn and run as fast as you can.  Because if you stick around long enough to see his tail... you have already lost.    

For the longest time I have held true to the fact that I will never blog.  Mostly this is because I have viewed my life as a mundane and repetitive process.  However, since Katelyn has entered my life I have begun to realize that we often find ourselves in situations that  leave us virtually awestruck.  Sometimes these situations prove to be quite comical, and other times they provide a degree of inspiration.  We hope that in reading this blog you will acquire not only a glimpse into our lives, but may occasionally be provided with some comic relief.