Memo to the San Antonio DMV

This blog is the culmination of research that has been conducted over the past year and a half.  Consequently, it is not speculative.  It is fact... truth... it is indisputable.  The conclusion is simply that San Antonio has the worst drivers in America.  I say this with the experience of many road trips across this great land.  I have encountered drivers from many of the major cities and I am very confident in making this statement.  

To list just a few examples... We have seen a man turn left from the far right lane on a 6 lane street (3 going, 3 coming).  We have seen multiple people come to a complete stop in an effort to change lanes (on a 45 mph road).  No one ever drives the speed limit (they seem to prefer going 5 to 10 mph under it).  I have hit a man who stopped his car in the MIDDLE of an intersection when the light turned from green to yellow.  I assure you that I could go on and on.  

I would like to think that I am a patient man.  However, this city's drivers are wearing me down.  I wish I could say... "Its not that I have a problem with the people... I just don't like their driving", but I cannot.  You see, I do have a problem with the people.  I do believe however, that there is a solution for every problem.  While I find myself channeling most of my frustration toward the drivers themselves, maybe it would be more productive to voice my concerns to the people who allow such incompetence to hit the San Antonio roadways.  Here are a few recommendations:

1)  Require all driver applicants to recite the ABC's (this would demonstrate letter recognition and hopefully insinuate that the driver could process english road signs).  

2)  Require all driver applicants to count from 1 to 70 (this would demonstrate the ability to understand that 60 is a bigger number than 45).  

3)  Require all driver applicants to give a detailed explanation of what signal lights are for, what the color green (verde) looks like and what it means when encountered on the roadway, what the color yellow (amarillo) looks like and what it means when encountered on the roadway, and what the color red (rojo)  looks like and what it means when encountered on the roadway (this would hopefully clear up the extreme confusion that seemingly exists among San Antonionites regarding traffic lights).  

4)  Include "STUPIDITY" as a traffic violation that is punishable by permanently revoking the offender's license (This would immediately cut down on collisions and traffic as I predict a 75% decrease in permissible drivers).  

This is a short and simple list but I feel that it would provide a wonderful start in the effort to control this rampant problem.